2013: My Reflections

Ah - the end of a year. And what comes with the change of years? Resolutions and Reflections. And boy did this Reflections post get long.

My Reflections:

We had a great year; of course, the highlight was our Grace being born. With this, I became a stay at home mom and could not be happier. Even as I have learned and am still learning the ways of parenting, and even when I have days where I just don't know what else to do as far as discipline, teaching, staying creative for my kids, and still trying to be a good wife, I am still so glad Vic and I can have this lifestyle. I have learned that parenting is so tough. I know everyone says it and I know it doesn't get easier, and while I am saying it is tough, I know I have it so good with healthy and generally well behaved, normal kids. My most difficult moments come in the form of teaching Atticus how to behave, to talk nicely, to mind manners, to obey, to be helpful, to listen, to use indoor and outdoor voices, to eat his food when asked, and to share. It's so hard to know when to let something go and when to push the issue. It's also so hard to know, in the moment, if this is just the typical behavior of a 2 year old or if I'm not teaching him the right way at the right time. So many times, I tell myself that if I keep teaching the basic principles and showing him the right way to do things, that one day, just one day, when he is past this "phase", all of those things will be ingrained into his little mind and heart and he will just act the right way. I know I'm acting like he is terrible, and the truth is...he is not. He is sweet and energetic and smart and funny. And usually his terribleness happens when I'm busy with something and cannot tend to his every need. So, of course, it goes through my mind "Do I drop what I'm doing to play with him or see what he needs?" or "Do I just go about my to-do's and teach him that he must learn to take care of himself for a few minutes?". And the absolute worst time I question all of this is when I just want a few minutes to myself to check my email or read blogs or post a picture to Instagram or for goodness sake...go to the bathroom! I mean - am I being selfish to put those unimportant things as my top priority for an hour? Or is this ok? When it's laundry, or cooking, or dishes, or tending to Grace, I feel like I have a good reason. But, the rest of those things I mentioned? I have no idea. Of course, then I tell myself that he will only be little once and only want my opinion or my help for a few years before he will be too independent for me. And then, I also tell myself that there cannot be a mom out there that plays ALL DAY LONG and doesn't do housework or cooking or tend to other to-do's. So, that is my constant struggle with Atticus. I know, I know. First world problems.

And Grace's struggles? Well to be honest, I don't really have any; she is almost always an easy baby. I mean, she cries when she is tired or hungry or needs a little bit of attention. But, the thing I struggle with her the most is wondering if I give her enough attention - not because she is begging for it, but because she doesn't yet realize she deserves it. Atticus demands my time and when he does, it is easy to let Grace crawl around to follow us or to play by us, but I'm not always tuned in. Again - I think I do an okay job, but I can always do better, right? And, of course, I remind myself that Atticus never had me at this age, during the day. So, surely she is already better off than he was, as far as having me with her so much.

Those are the hard parts of parenting for me, so far. I am with the kids almost 24/7 and I love it. I like the routines we are in; I like learning their needs and how they ask for them; I like figuring out how to be efficient with our days; I like organized, routine naps, meals, bedtimes, playtimes; I like the crazy, hectic moments of both kids crying with toys on the floor and the TV blaring with Wheel of Fortune while I try to ask Vic about his day. I like the funny moments with Atticus and his ever-increasing vocabulary of words and phrases, even when they should not be repeating what I am saying (yep - he is still saying "oh shoot!" a lot!). I like seeing the kids make each other laugh in the other room when I am not in there, but can only hear them. I like the success of a day when I gather all of the bags and to do lists and to go run errands in the morning, situate kids at the right stores in the right carts while juggling sippy cups, snacks, and something for them to do, then have a playdate where we eat a picnic, followed by coming home to fight naptimes, and then onto checking social media for a treat to myself before trying to do household chores, keep our social calendar and budget organized and trying to prep dinner all before Vic gets home. Then, I love the routine of having Vic home to help me force Atticus to eat dinner, then do baths, then reading and playing before going through the nightly ordeal of putting Atticus to bed, despite his very creative ways of delaying bedtime. Then, I don't even mind when I have to deal with kids up in the middle of the night for whatever reason. Though my first thought, upon hearing one cry through the monitor is not very nice, the moment I see them or pick them up, I am content.

And, you notice this blog is all about me, but I couldn't do any of this without Vic. He is the most wonderful husband and daddy to our little family. And he still has all of the to do's above when he is away from the office, even after dealing with the stress and work of his job at TVMDL. Some parents are so good at doing both an out of home job and being parents; but, in the end, I think I can serve everyone best if I just work really hard at being a mom. But, Vic - he always has energy; he always thinks of us first; he is 100% hands on with the kids and can tell when I just need a minute of peace; he takes out the trash; he replaces my shampoo and soap bottles in the shower which would just stay there empty forever because I always forget to discard them until I'm in the shower and then forget again once I get out; he mows the lawn and takes care of our home; he always takes out the recycling; and organizes it (I don't even know where the bags are); he takes care of our important money and taxes and insurance; he explains when I don't understand at church; he supports my crafty, creative, baking habits even when they get a little out of hand; he always smiles for the camera; he always laughs with me; he always, always, always loves me.

So, my reflections are basically about my little family this year. It's been an eye-opening year of learning to be a better mom and wife and let's be honest here - I can always do better. But, I'm happy with how we've done so far and I'm happy with our year.